Three generations ago a married woman was raped by a soldier, while her husband was away at war. The shock, trauma, pain and shame that she felt inside needed natural healing by integrating the trauma within her into her family life; be it by sharing her pain with her mother or with her husband as a co-equal partner. However the morality of her family, as well as the social shame and religious conditioning caused that woman to never share her painful experience. As a result, never crying on anyone’s shoulder, the pain was never released, which would have allowed her heart eventually to be healed.
It was instead all kept inside and she carried the pain within her heart, keeping her emotional and sensual/sexual levels behind a wall and closed doors. As the years passed by she became used to the inner pain and its 'shut down' - vibration. Her husband and others might have sensed a change within her, but like most families, they avoided offering meaningful support, probably because they didn’t know how to address the issue properly and possibly in the belief that she would go them if she needed to ‘talk’.
Now in our example let's say her husband returned after the war and a year later they produced a baby girl. We can imagine that the woman with unresolved pain of that sexual violation was probably not able to enjoy the conception, but played the role of what was expected from her as a dutiful wife. The woman, now a mother, will not be as emotionally, sensually open towards the natural needs of her daughter since she, the mother, carries old pains of violation within her heart. The walls her pain has constructed, guards and prevents her from fully expressing love.
The baby girl will subconsciously sense the walls and the inner suffering of her beloved mom. (Every child naturally feels unconditional love for both parents.) As the girl grows older she gets used to her own female, sensual needs not being seen or accepted by her 'shut down' mother. In many cases this creates a feeling of lack and low self-esteem within a daughter like her. Because of that inner vibration as well as because of the deep love for the mother the heart and emotional body of the daughter will identify/entangle with her mother's unresolved pain. "Mom, I don't want you to suffer from your sexual violation and pain, I will live it for you"…. This decision is purely subconscious, coming from deep unconditional love. It is activated nonetheless.
Years later the daughter may herself experience a form of sexual violation, maybe even rape. Because she not only identifies with her mother's pain, but had also witnessed throughout childhood how her mother dealt with the pain, i.e. keeping the pain inside, the daughter will repeat that pattern. She will build walls and hide the pain behind. Thus she becomes like her mother. The subconscious desire of the daughter to be loved by her mother has moulded her to act the same way. "Hopefully now mom will see and love me", is the silent hope of the inner child of the daughter. The unresolved dynamic has repeated itself.
The daughter might have a child herself later in life that might start to identify and entangle with the same unresolved patterns. Such unresolved dynamic within a family can be repeated up to the seventh generation after the original event. With every generation that entangles with it the dynamic itself will be more and more intense. Healing at a certain point will be the only way to break the cycle.
